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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
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The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 08:15
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